The Saddest Stats Of NFL Week 6

Seats everyone. Week 6 therapy starts now. We welcome in a few fanbases this week that don't typically walk through these doors. Seattle - I didn't forget about you Thursday Night. Dallas - usually you just need a quick session during the Playoffs but maybe it's a good thing you're checking in on Week 6 this season. You might be surprised to hear Green Bay is even in the sad house this week. I'd just as soon expect Will Hunting to show up for a tutoring session, but we'll have to just see what sadness they're dealing with after another great win.

But let's start at the beginning. We have a birthday to celebrate! Sad party hats everyone.

Sad Stat #1 - Geno Smith Absolutely Shat the bed on his birthday Thursday Night with a 65.5 QBR

The stats on how bad Geno Smith was on Thursday Night Football are a lie. He was much worse. Just ask any DK Metcalf fantasy football owner (me). Between all his shitty throws that DK was wide open for it was too much to handle also having to deal with his long touchdown taken away when Geno finally gave him a catchable ball. We as a DK Metcalf manager community might need to start our own therapy session alone by going full Ray Finkle in our rooms all by ourselves.

For Geno, it's always sad to see someone give a stinker on their birthday. But this would only be part 1 of this week's sad birthday off until Jerry Jones told Geno to hold his Ensure during the late Sunday slate.

Sad Stat #2 - The Cowboys suffered their worst home loss in the Jerry Jones era (38 points)

I think we can all agree in looking above that a face lift is needed here. Whether that's trading Dak to a team dumb enough to take on his laughable contract (Carolina?) or your all-star kicker who has more than half your season points to force Dak to score touchdowns. Whatever it is, something needs to change with this team. Truth be told - this is what happens when you sign a not-special but not-bad quarterback to a Pat Mahomes type deal. All the resources are sucked dry and you're left bargain bin shopping for guys like Dalvin Cook and Ezekiel Elliott. 

Sad Stat #3 - Ryan Flournoy losing a fumble on his first career catch took me down a dark road of sad wide receiver "careers"

You really feel for an unknown rookie 6th rounder who finally got his chance in Week 6 only to immediately squander it away.

On his very first career catch and very first career target he turned the ball over on the lethal Peanut Punch in the clip above. Now this certainly isn't the first time a guy lost a fumble on his first touch. I remember Kareem Hunt and James Cook lost fumbles on their first career carries, but were quickly given another chance. But they were third and second round picks. Flournoy is a measly 6th. 

Not gonna lie. I'm concerned for Ryan. I'm worried that he might not ever get a second chance. So much that I looked up if a wide receiver ever caught one and only one career pass that ended in a lost fumble. I was really hoping when I wrote out the code and ran it that my output screen would return "NA". Certainly no coach would be so cruel as to banish a player based on their very first career catch. Even if it was on the owners birthday in the worst home loss of his career. 

But alas…. the computer returned two such cases.

Richard Goodman - October 24, 2010 

This Charger was never given a recharge after a 25-yard gain ended in a lost fumble on his second career game. He would go on to play 22 more games with zero catches. Most of that being back on special teams. Just tragic. You have to think somewhere in those precious few seconds when he was on the run for 25 he was thinking he finally caught his break. A world of possibility all the sudden opened up for the young undrafted hopeful. But the football gods are cruel. He would never again get a second chance with the ball in his hand. 

Robert Reed - December 5, 1999 

This also Charger only went 1 yard on his catch and fumble. I guess this makes Robert the only player with a 1/1/1/1/1 slash line in NFL history (targets/catches/yards/fumbles/fumbles lost). He might not have been a 1/1 but he was a 1/1/1/1/1. 

Sad Stat #4 - Packers kicker Brayden Narveson has now missed five field goals in his first six career games

I heard the Ringer Fantasy Football Show podcast call this guy "NERVOUS NARVESON" in a funny Trump voice and now that's all I hear when I see him go up there and whiff on a kick. Certainly not the way you want to start a career and I have to believe after five misses in six weeks somewhere Richard Goodman and Robert Reed are wondering how he's on his sixth chance.

But hang on now. I did a little digging on struggling rookie place kickers and there's plenty of big names that missed at least five field goals in their first six games. That includes Adam Vinatieri, Sebastian Janikowski, David Akers, Tom Dempsey, Wil Lutz, and Tyler Bass. And Younghoe Koo wasn't far off with four misses. Turns out, maybe guys just need some time to work things out. I think we can all agree on that so long as we were never a wide receiver coach for the San Diego Chargers. 

Sad Stat #5 - The Jaguars allowed the Chicago Bears to score a touchdown on four consecutive drives

And it really should have been five had Williams not thrown a terrible deep ball to DJ Moore on that interception - Williams' only real blemish of the morning. Hope you Jaguars fans enjoyed last week because beating the Colts was your Super Bowl and now you have to deal with the Super Bowl hangover. 

Then again I'm probably being a little hard on the Jaguars. Allowing four consecutive touchdowns happens. Just not to the Bears - whose historical offensive ineptitude needs no introduction. But this is not your Bad News Bears. They have the #1 overall pick under center finally finding his groove in a revamped offense. So I apologize Jaguars fans. So let's pass this sad stat off you guys and just put it on the last team to allow four consecutive touchdowns in a game to the Bears. Whoever that team was.

"Computer - when was the last time a team allowed the Bears to score four consecutive touchdowns?"

Computer - December 27, 2020

"Pull that shit up, computer".

Sad Stat #6 - The Packers are the first 4-2 team ever to be dead last in their division

ESPN has the ordering wrong here, which is where I pulled this screen grab. The Packers are 0-1 vs their division (loss to Vikings) and the Bears are 0-0, so the Bears would get the tie-breaker to put the +41 point differential 4-2 Packers in the NFC North basement. This is just an absurd standings to look at. I've never seen anything like it. Nothing even remotely close. And you know what? Neither have you.

It would actually be pretty cool if all four teams made the playoffs. Ride together - why not? The four horsemen of the North. Except one is a lion. And another is a bear. Whatever. But if that's not the case, I think we need to put an official watch for potential best record to never make the playoffs. That's a sad stat in the making for Week 18. Honestly even if it's for my Bears, I wouldn't be mad if they missed the Playoffs somehow at 12-5. We might not be Monsters of the Midway, but certainly Monsters of the Mid. 

But serious question. What non-division winning team in the NFC is better than the worst NFC North team? Whatever team you think that is. My Bears, I know. The Eagles with their lunatic coach that just barely beat the Browns? The Seahawks with zero defense and old school New York style Geno? Baker Mayfield and the Bucs? Kirk Cousins? Bucs and Falcons definitely are contenders but this could actually happen. 

That's a wrap for Week 6. Don't be too sad about your pathetic NFL team this week. Things will get better. Your team might have dropped the ball, but next week is a chance to wipe the slate clean and get a fresh start. 

Unless you're a Chargers wide receiver.

Got a sad stat tip? Send it my way: @StatholeSports

Catch up on last week's sad stats